LOST?

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I realised today that I have lost my belief in myself.

 

When it comes to other people, in particular their writing, I have a gift of encouraging them to try, to keep going, to succeed. Three people have now gone on to write more than one fiction book because of my support and gentle encouragement.  In that same time, I have only written part of my first fiction, and it has laid untouched for over a year.

 

I feel lost.  I need someone to do for me what I do for others. To guide me, support me, challenge me, encourage me… to be a ‘team’ with me. I can’t motivate myself… I’m just not that kind of person.

 

I can’t ‘sell’ myself as one of my writer friends can. She takes on new courses or challenges so often and it leads her to results. She is inspiring! She has this amazing belief in herself.  I don’t have that same belief in myself. She goes out there boldly and finds a way to open up opportunities for herself and others.  I’m not brave like that. She has been the reason for most of what I’ve done to edit and publish stories for others and books for some. Now she is moving away after 7 years. 

 

When I was at school, many years ago, I was explosively creative. Writing plays, a movie script, filming part of the script. I wanted to be a TV Director and Producer, so I applied for NIDA… once. Instead of applying again until I was accepted, I got a boring job in a Bank and that was the end of it. 

 

I had no-one there to encourage me to try again. Just that one person who believed in me and in my dreams was all I needed to keep me going, but they were not there. I still need that now, more than ever.

 

I would say the most creative I have been recently was the five years I edited the Sonic Screwdriver Magazine for the Doctor Who Club of Victoria. What I achieved then was amazing, but it only happened because I had another person working with me as a partner. Just as there would never have been any ABBA songs if Benny and Bjorn had not been led to work together, the same is true for what we did with that magazine. That’s how I work best, as part of a team of two, sometimes more.

 

Maybe it’s just me struggling to see ‘the wood for the trees’ as they say.  Maybe my eyes have slipped below the waterline and I’m struggling to get my head back above water.  Maybe it all seems and feels far worse than it really is…

 

But one thing is clear; I need someone to believe in me now. Someone to believe in my gifts, show enthusiasm for what I write and create, to gently support and encourage me to succeed. 

 

I do it for others. Is it too much to ask that someone does the same for me?

 

Michael Young 2019

Forever

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You walk into the room and sit at a table nearby

A businessman here for a business meeting

A face so handsome you draw my eye

Stylishly dressed and confident

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A smile that is bright, imperfect and yet perfect

Eyes so beautiful as I meet them, and you look away

A wedding ring on your finger, what a lucky girl!

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Somewhere around 40, I think

Light grey jacket, dark grey pants, light brown shoes

A bright white shirt with grey stripe tie

No hint of grey in your conservatively styled brown hair

Lightly tanned skin, beautiful brown eyes

A hint of hair on your forearm promises a masculine hairy chest

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We catch each other looking again and again

You try to concentrate on the business at hand

I can see you are a little distracted

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I can’t concentrate on what I’m here to do

So I write this ode to you

I watch your lips as you speak

I may never know your name

I may never see you again

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I will always remember your handsome face

I will recall your masculine voice

You might visit me in my dreams sometime

I might visit you in yours

We might never meet

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One of us will have to leave soon

Both of us have to move on

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No, I will never see you again

But this hour we have shared

In this crowded room

I will cherish our time together

Forever.

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© Michael Young 2019

Problem Two

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Problems? Don’t talk to me about problems…

Went to pre-book our seats online for MAMMA MIA Here We Go Again in GOLD CLASS at the local cinema. We rarely go to the movies, usually wait for the Blu-ray or Netflix options.  We had two gift cards that we have struggled to use, so hard to find a movie we will both love.

Found two perfect seats for the Tuesday session. Was disappointed to see that the “Cheap-arse Tuesday” sessions are only $32 not $42… we won’t get the full value of the gift cards. Then the damn online booking system said the gift cards were invalid… AND they want to charge a $7 booking fee… to book it ONLINE where it costs them NOTHING! OMG!

So I had to take the damn 5-minute drive to the Pacific Werribee shopping centre to pre-book the tickets in person. Then I couldn’t find a car park space close to the cinema and had to walk in the cold for a few 100 metres to get to the entrance… at least I had my hoodie to cover my head.

I was concerned I may have had to wait because it was the busy time, but a staff member came up to the desk right away and served me. We looked for seats on the Tuesday, but she could only see ones along the side, not in the middle like I prefer, so decided to try Thursday instead. The Gold Class cinemas have 8 seats across and six rows of seats but I like to be somewhere in the middle four seats. After a bit of umming and eerring I decided to compromise and go for two side seats on the Tuesday.

When she went to select the seats for me, she discovered that the two seats I originally wanted on the Tuesday were actually available, the ones I tried to book online. So I booked them. There was no booking fee either! Just think how much it cost them for her to do that booking compared to me booking online which cost them nothing.

Yes, FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS indeed!

Problem One

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Problems? Don’t talk to me about problems…
My mobile just fell down the side on my electric reclining lounge, my dairy-free ice cream is melting all over my home cooked Peach/Apple/Cranberry pie, I have to get up again because I forgot to put the USB into my laptop so I can watch the latest episode of The Young And The Restless on my 64″ HD 3D TV… AND… it’s getting to warm in here so I’ll have to turn the heating down!
Meanwhile, tonight on the streets of Wyndham (western suburbs of Melbourne, Australia) there are people, even families sleeping in their car or on the street, or god knows where while the wind chill factor turns the temperature to -7 degrees! But, hey, we don’t have a “homelessness problem” here, of course not! (…if we keep denying it, it will go away…)
Yes, FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS indeed!

COMMENTS:

AMY:
The Salvo’s are doing a great job assisting homeless in Wyndham.
But they cannot do it all. We must recognise our homeless and all pitch in together.

LISA:
White lion also doing great work with homeless youth but again can only do so much.
We have a huge lack of resources here as in crisis accommodation, mental health services rehab facilities for drug and alcohol (major contributors to homelessness).
Unfortunately posting on facebook although it brings awareness people very rarely take further steps.
Make donations of time and or money to organizations that can assist these people.
Write federal and state MP’s calling for more to be done.

WOLF:
You can join me knitting sleeping mats, blankets etc.

Goodbye, Christopher Robin

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GOODBYE, CHRISTOPHER ROBIN is a beautiful, powerful, emotionally stirring movie.  This movie is about the evil and senseless trauma of war, also about unintentional emotional child abuse which most of us suffer; one way or another.

On the surface, it’s the story of Christopher Robin Milne, his father AA Milne, and the creation of Winnie The Pooh… then the personal agonies that they faced as it spread to become a success across the entire world.

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Not having ever read or heard the stories but aware of them from cultural legend, I was only aware that AA Milne named the boy in the books after his son and the boy’s toys, I knew nothing else about their story.  That “not knowing” made the movie so much more powerful and that was also the audience that the script was crafted to impact the most.

This movie made me realise, after 55 years, that I never had bedtime stories read to me as a child.  I now feel deprived!  I also realised I never read them myself either.  However, that never stopped me from eventually becoming the avid reader and writer that I now am.  It was destined to happen, regardless of the choices of those around me, particularly during my own rough childhood.

There is even a scene that has a view I would describe as perfection… I could look at that view forever and be at peace.

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https://www.facebook.com/GoodbyeChristopherRobinFilm/

 

FALSE BLOOD

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False Blood

FALSE BLOOD

I believe it is impossible for humans to tell the absolute truth… it’s in our blood.

We are genetically incapable of telling the TRUTH without compromise or exaggeration.

That simple truth is also why we are so driven to seek out “truth”, yet so willing to allow the “little white lies” to be told and accepted.

Them:  “Place one hand on the Bible, raise your other hand.  Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”

Us:  “I do.”

… BULLSHIT!

The absolute truth is exceptionally powerful and dangerous.

Tell it, accept it, then move on…

Please, Mr Postman

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Please, Mr Postman

This morning I stumbled across an email notifying that a package would be delivered for my partner today.  It included the option to select “safe delivery” so I responded that it could be left at the front door.  I was then out of the house for the rest of the morning, thinking it would be delivered regardless of me being there to sign for it.

When I get home after midday I see a card in the letter box saying the parcel can be collected from the local Post Shop after 4pm today.  Damn!  I had just been at that very shop half an hour before, how annoying to have to go back there tomorrow when I already said to leave it at the door.  (It was actually small enough to go in the letter box anyway).

I walked back into the garage and was about to close the door when I see the postman come around the corner and stop to deliver something to the house across the road.  So, with the collection card in hand, I crossed the street and asked if he had the item with him.  (Sometimes they are delivered by a separate van service).  He did, now I have it and I don’t have to make a special trip to the Post Shop tomorrow.  (No, I didn’t complain about the disregarded delivery instructions!)

Yes, PERFECT timing … the magic of SYNCHRONICITY strikes again… I must be still on the right path for my life and making the right choices!  🙂  

 

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